People often say they are “depressed” when what they mean is they are sad. If you have struggled with depression, you know there is a big difference. Depression is like having perpetual flu; and sadness is like having a cold. Depression brings you to your knees and then holds you down with no energy or optimism to get back up. Being sad is being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And being able to go through the tunnel, even though it may be a long tunnel. Being sad can be a lonely experience, but you’re still able to reach out and able to enjoy yourself from time to time. Depression keeps people from feeling joy, hope, motivation, or connection with others. The very things that will help us endure depression and maybe even mitigate it; depression keeps away.
Once that happens, depression keeps feeding itself on loneliness, shame, and hopelessness. Sadness is an emotion we can share with one another; friends can provide comfort and relate to the pain. Depression, on the other hand, often alienates us from others. Misery does not, in fact, love company. Depression can rob a person of self-esteem, relationships, physical health and more.
People suffering with depression also experience a significant loss of energy. Just getting dressed or showering can feel like a monumental task. Eating, sleeping and moving become challenging in different ways for different people. These aspects of depression are hard to understand for people who have never experienced it. Depression is truly like having the flu, feeling wiped out and achy is typical.
Medications for emotional relief have always made news and SSRI’s have been shown to not be as effective as once was thought. However, anyone who has experienced relief via the use of a prescription anti-depressant knows that those meds can be the difference between being able to endure the pain of depression and not. Antidepressants have helped many people have the strength to develop a routine that helps them through their depression. However, meds alone have rarely been a solution. And meds are not a solution for the blues. Temporary painful emotions are a healthy part of living life fully.
When depression is not directly related to an external event or situation, relief has often been elusive. Chemical imbalances of various origins, like other mental health issues, addiction, chronic unhealthy habits and more can be underlying the depression someone experiences. However, the upside is that depression is also highly treatable. Meaning recovery in the form of extended periods of relief is possible.
An important part of getting to a better place emotionally is to decide the solution is available to you. To own your emotional life just as much as we do our physical life. Even if you have a broken leg or chronic pain, it is important to keep moving, to seek treatment, to drive attention away from the pain, but also to be mindful of not overdoing it as would make the pain worse.
As hard as it may seem, live as closely aligned to what would work (in theory) to have the life you want. “Fake it until you make it” may seem unfair and invalidating when you are in pain, but it also is the way to get depression out of the way of the solution. It doesn’t mean that your pain is not real. It just means that the pain cannot be completely in charge of your day, your life. But go slow and do your best to not judge how hard it is. And if you don’t take good care of yourself one day, commit to a small step the next day.
So, if you (or someone you know) is suffering from depression, know that it can be debilitating and even life-threatening. Seek help if you feel overwhelmed and keep looking for help until you find the best fit. Depression, though often recurrent, can be managed and minimized. You can experience more joy, contentedness, and connectedness. Be gentle, be action-oriented and don’t give up.
Kristen Trolenberg, LCSW
1/11/23